❤ MY BLOG

Sunday, November 08, 2009

i wish, i hope i no longer a little girl... but i wish, i hope to have my smile and laughter more than tears... i might feel stress, i might feel tired... but i must told myself not to give up so easily.. as before i always give up on things easily.. no matter future i have job, hubby, family, childrens or anything.. i must not give up so easily.. that is life.. i must work up.. i must work on it.. i turning 21 soon.. as i must know what am i doing, what am i talking, and even what am i thinking.. not only think about myself... also must think about others... i must be too selfish before i turn 20? lols.. maybe i am.. i always think about i happy? am i? haha.. since its already over.. den forget it.. let it pass.. i must look forward.. i cant lean on others.. everything must think by myself, do by myself.. i cant like before lazy... lean on others... they will tired... it actually the same meaning tat.. i lean on his shoulder, his back.. getting not.. not to stand up.. he will tired.. i must stand up by my own.. never give up on me, never give up on him... never give up anything.. always must have confident...

as previously.. he and me tot that next year i turn 21.. we will go ROM.. i think... it gonna take a few years more? i not sure he will wait.. if he really cant wait.. i cant do anything.. maybe i just sad for a few months? and everything gonna restart again as before.. of course i hope it wont happen.. after i asked him still want to ROM next year? He replied... I DUNNO... after he said tat.. a few days ago... seriously i feel sad.. i really hope and wish not to lose him.. but now maybe different liao ba? after he said dunno.. it already have a crack in my heart.. maybe human is selfish.. seriously.. i did break his heart not even one.. once the heart knock on something.. it will crack a little.. how much u try to heal it.. it still have line of crack.. let fate decide.. if we can together.. mean we can.. if we cant.. he and me cant do anything.. maybe really i not mature enough for him? maybe.. together for 2 years.. he den relise tat i not mature.. at first few sad.. but now? not to think maybe i wont.. dunno why i always is a cry baby after i knew him... but i type this.. there no tears from my eyes.. thanks god.. there no tears.. if he still love me, if he saw i change for him hard.. if he dun mind all my habit.. if he accept my habit... i believe he will say he will marry me 1 day.. and for me... i must try to accept all his bad and good things.. but sometimes feel that.. i tried to change something for him... and does he change too? i wonder.. i searching did he ever change because of me? as say is much more easiler than do.. as last time i saw he try... as he didn change.. so what to do? should i accept? i dunno.. seriously totally dunno wat to do.. iszzit fair for me just 1 change for him instead he change for me? althought i got alot gonna change.. now i recall of something.. he said he accept my bad habit.. but after tat day of quarrel.. he hope i may change.. iszzit hope? or really want me to change? i dunno.. i wonder iszzit wrong for both of us to be together? i hope it wont.. not because of my parents problem den both of us think tat way.. i really hope both of us can last long.. maybe forever till we have childs, grandchilds, maybe even great grandchilds, and maybe till we die? i just hope.. so i dunno shld i make my hope to come true? i dunno.. maybe i too lean on him.. just 2days didn meet him.. den i turn into lik this? den meet him again.. i'm back again.. maybe? i dunno.. i must relise it myself one day..

getting older and older it feel stress.. not because of ur face turn old.. it because of ur life.. there no more longer have fun.. as parents always say.. study first, working first.. play? u still got whole life to play.. whose knows what happen tomorrow? no one know.. as i feel that their words half is bull shit.. study and working put first as wat they said.. i can understand abit.. cause is good for future.. so i onli can accept half of their words... haha.. not all the words parents said is correct.. they have their own thinking, due to their experience more than us..

hope monday i can success.. maybe after that.. go swimming with my fren kok wah.. haha.. maybe nia.. gonna relax.. talk cock with him.. den ask him to teach me swim.. i want to learn swimming 1 day.. i hope i can swim one day.. maybe i feel stress i can go swimming? haha.. distress? haha.. past few days no one at home.. i sing out loud, on song out loud.. it shiok.. it great.. haha.. long time dun haf that feeling.. i hope.. 1 day can go theme park.. but singapore theme park like not really fun.. i mean the escape.. haha.. just wanna go there have fun, distress.. and maybe SHOUT OUT LOUD!!! haha..

vivian... i believe one day u can stand up by ur own.. no more leaning on others.. using ur own hands, and legs to stand up.. jia you..

actually wrote this post since 9pm plus.. but i stopped.. due to chatting with gs.. haha.. and bathing.. slacking.. den now den can finish it.. haha.. on yesterday.. 7th nov 2009.. is me and dear 2years and 1month... they all so late den want to go iluma play lan.. i want to go.. but it already so late.. den partly scare mummy and daddy scold and nag.. den i buai tahan again.. den start to quarrel again.. so i dunno want to go anot.. but end up didn go... hmmm... didn go also good lah.. at least i did chat with my friends.. and still got time to post this.. so can let ppl understand me? i hope he can.. but my blog open for so long.. he know me for so long.. i only read a few times.. 10fingers also can count.. ever i told him to read.. i either read liao.. den next time ask him to read.. he will say ok ok.. ended up didn read.. or maybe dunwan to read or wat.. i dunno.. i really dunno.. only gs read my blog.. i believe gs read my blog more than dear read my blog.. as everytime he dunno what happened to me.. for him.. i tink it hard to understand ba? he wont write diary, he wont post blog.. he maybe keep inside his heart.. i dunno.. he seldom tell me how he think ba? maybe guys is lik that.. but i think for him.. it much more easy to understand.. as i not happy.. angry or sad.. mostly i will post on blog.. if not i will write in my diary.. he wont know de.. i type so long liao.. althought hands, fingers not tired.. ppl who read this will tired.. haha.. end here liao.. cya.. sayonara..

`V I A N . A H G I R L ❤ J O N A T H A N . A H B O Y*

12:20 AM